All The Men In My Family Were

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain Unless You've Used Up All The Other Four-letter Words.

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

Some People Are Born Losers; Others Acquire The Knack Gradually.