All The Men In My Family Were

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

I Never Drink Water Because Of The Disgusting Things That Fish Do In It.

First Prize Was A Week In Philadelphia. Second Prize Was Two Weeks.

No Man Is Boss In His Own Home, But He Can Make Up For It, He Thinks, By Making A Dog Play Dead.