All I Can Say About Life Is,

You May Not Think I'm A Sex Symbol, But I Became A Father At The Age Of 48. Now Young People Think Of Me As A Mini-folk Hero Because It's Difficult For Them To Believe A Man Of My Age Is Sexually Active.

More And More, As I Get Older, People Come Up To Me And Say, 'thank You For All The Laughter.' And My Standard Answer Is, 'it Was My Pleasure.' But That's The Truth.

I Think There's A Part, Just A Part Of Comedians, That Is Still Childlike.

Well, If You’re A Native Chicagoan, You Know How Dumb He [dr. Robert Hartley] Is. He Gets On The Ravenswood El, He Goes Past His Stop On Sheridan Road, He Gets Off In Evanston, Where The El Is On The Ground, And Then He Walks Back 55 Blocks To His Apartment. Now, Would You Want To Have That Man As A Psychologist? A Man Who Misses His Stop Every Day?

One Of The First Things That You Learn As A Stand-up Is, You're The Boss. It's Your Stage, And Don't Screw With Me Because I'll Make You Look Bad, Which I Had To Do, Because You Wind Up With Drunks And Loud People.