After A Disappointing Summer, Humpty Dumpty Has

I Believe It Was Shakespeare Who Said, 'all The World's A Stage, And You Are Crap!'

There Are So Many Things I'd Like To Change In The Industry. Everything From The Reliance Of Style Over Substance To Their Reluctance To Hire Me For Big Budget Blockbusters, But The Thing I Would Love Most Would Be If They Understood People Don't Have To Be Hollywood Beautiful To Be Sexy Or Interesting.

Onstage I Do All The Stuff I'd Never Do In Real Life, Like Lashing Out At People Who Make Me Mad Or Freaking Out In A Long Bank Lineup. Performing Allows Me To Fulfill All The Sicko Fantasies I've Ever Had.

Hi. There Was A Big Accident, Some People Got Decapitated, Here Are Their Names... You Know What? That Shirt Really Makes You Look Fat. I Mean, The Colour's All Wrong... I Mean, Who Shot The Drapes?

I'm A Traveling Practical Joker. That's My Line Of Work.