According To The British Journal Of Psychiatry,

In His Speech Last Night, John Kerry Said This Was The Beginning Of The End Of The Bush Administration. I Agree. Sure, It May Take Another Five Years, But This Is It.

Sarah Palin Has Revealed She Has Tried Marijuana, But She Did Not Like It. You Know, It's Amazing: 200 Million Americans Have Smoked Marijuana. The Only Ones Who Don't Like It Seem To Be Elected Officials. Ever Notice That?

President-elect Barack Obama Is Starting To Get An Idea Of Just How Hard His New Job Is Going To Be. Today, He Said He Wanted To Bring A Sense Of Accountability To Washington. I Think They Realized Actual Accountability, Never Going To Happen.

President Obama Flew To A Rally In Las Vegas Last Night. However, He Did Not Visit Any Of The Casinos. You Know Why? When You're $16 Trillion In Debt, They Don't Let You In.

How Many Watched The President's Speech Last Night? [half-hearted Audience Applause] How Many Watched American Idol ? [thundering Applause] Okay, There You Go! You Get The Government You Deserve.