A Power Nap, Is When You Sleep

I Wasn't Even A Big Comedy Nerd. A Lot Of The Comedians I Know - A Lot Of My Friends Are Comedians - They Knew A Lot About Comedy Growing Up.

I Was Making Pancakes The Other Day And A Fly Flew Into The Kitchen. And That's When I Realized That A Spatula Is A Lot Like A Fly-swatter. And A Crushed Fly Is A Lot Like A Blueberry. And A Roommate Is A Lot Like A Fly Eater.

I Like Birthdays Because We Celebrate Life With Cakes. It's So Cool. Sometimes When I See A Baby, I'm Like That Much More Cake In The World. But Then When Someone Dies, I'm Like The Cake Streak Is Over.

There's A Saying That Goes, 'people Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones.' Ok. How About, 'nobody Should Throw Stones'? That's Crappy Behavior. My Policy Is, 'no Stone Throwing Regardless Of Housing Situation.

I Never Went Bungee Jumping. The Closest I Did Was I Was Born.