A Fart Is Just Your Arse Applauding.

I've Been Very Lucky Because I've Always Had Movies To Do. So If I Got Bored Between Shows A Movie Would Turn Up.

I Hate Those Earnest Tv Documentaries That Are The World According To People With Glasses Who Know Better Than You.

Never Trust People Who've Only Got One Book.

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

Why Do They Call It An Asteroid When It's Outside The Hemisphere, But Call It A Haemorrhoid When It's On The Outside Of Your Ass?