A Fart Is Just Your Arse Applauding.

All Anyone Really Needs To Know About Barbed Wire Is That It Can Tear The Arse Out Of Your Trousers, Give A Cow A Good Fright, Entangle A Yorkshire Terrier For Life, And Is Nasty Stuff Made By Greedy Men.

American Sex Shops Are The Most Bizarre. They Sell These Inflatable Dolls, But They Also Sell Just The Head -- Supposedly For People To Drive Along The Highway With.

I Think Of My Life As A Series Of Moments And I've Found That The Great Moments Often Don't Have Too Much To Them. They're Not Huge, Complicated Events; They're Just Magical Wee Moments When Somebody Says 'i Love You' Or 'you're A Really Good At What You Do' Or Simply 'you're A Good Person'.

If You're Going To Do An Interview About A Movie Or Anything Like That, You're Vulnerable. You Say Stupid Things. Or If You're Applying For A Green Card You Feel Very Vulnerable And You're Likely To Spout Out Something Stupid In The Middle Of It All.

I Hate Those Earnest Tv Documentaries That Are The World According To People With Glasses Who Know Better Than You.