List of Billy Gardell Quotes

You Need A Wisecracking Buddy Standing Next To You? That's The Role For Me. You Got The Guys Who Are Knock-down, Drag-out Handsome. That's What People Want To See. Let That Guy Be The Hero. But There's Always A Role For The Everyman.

Yeah, I've Done Jim Breuer's Radio Show A Couple Times, And I Heard From Larry The Cable Guy When I Got 'mike & Molly,' Wishing Me Congratulations. I'm Always The Last One To The Party, Man. But That's Okay. I Got There.

I Always Like To Find Those Little Mom-and-pop Sandwich Places, Or Diners. Those Are My Favorite Kind Of Places.

I'm From Minnesota! I Used To Work Knuckleheads At The Mall Of America As A Stand-up. I Spent New Year's There Once. I'm Not Trying To Namedrop.

Stand-up Will Always Come First. I've Been Doing It For 22 Years, And Nothing Compares To That Connection You Have With The Audience. It's Euphoric.

As A Comic, I've Heard Gunshots While I'm Trying To Get To Sleep. I've Performed Where People Wanted To Do You Harm After The Show Because Of Something You Said.

Everybody Wants To Be A Better Version Of Themselves - Everybody. And I Hope One Day I Can Lose Some Weight. Maybe, Who Knows, I'll Hire Myself A Trainer And A Fancy Cook. In Five Years, Maybe I'll Be An Action Hero. Then Again, Maybe I'll Just Be This Guy. Who Knows? But The Fun Part Is Embracing The Human Side Of That.

I Come From A Working-class Family In Pittsburgh, Whereas 'mike & Molly' Deals With The Working Class In Chicago. I Swear A Little, But I Pretty Much Talk The Same. It's Not Like When You See Someone Like Tim Allen And He's A Lot Bluer Onstage.

I Have Been A Big Guy All My Life, I Am Not Going To Lose A Bunch Of Weight, Because Then You're Like That Weird Fat Person That Got Skinny But Still Has A Big Head. I Don't Want To Do That. So I'm Just Trying.

You Know, I'm Playing The Mirage In Vegas, The Main Room... About 5 Percent Of All Comics End Up As The Main Headliner On The Vegas Strip, So That's A Big Deal For Me. Getting To Do My Stand-up The Way I Have This Summer Is Really What I've Dreamed Of Since I Was About 10 Years Old.

Whenever I Realize I'm Being A Goofball, I Write It Down. When I Release The Joke Onstage, I Love Watching The Effect It Has On The Audience. No One Wants To See Someone Talk Who Takes Themselves Too Seriously.

The Quickest Way To Defuse Fear Or Insecurity Or Anger Is Usually Humor. I Think Comics Figure That Out Quickly, And, Once You Figure It Out, You Think, 'hey, If I Can Do This And Get Paid, That Would Be Kind Of Cool.