You're Surrounded By It Wherever You Go,

What Are Their Names? Psycho And Killer?" He Shook His Head. "cupcake And Twinkie." My Mouth Dropped Open. "you're Kidding." A Grin Flitted Across His Lips. "afraid Not." If Naming Them After Dessert Snacks Had Been Miss Marva's Attempt To Make Them Seem Cute, It Wasn't Working.

The Audience Falls In Love With A Leading Man Because He'll Never Belong To Any Of Them.

Recently Mr. Mawdsley’s Donkey Escaped From His Stall, Raced Down The Road, And Somehow Found His Way Into An Enclosed Pasture. Mr. Caird’s Prized Mare Was Innocently Grazing When The Ill-bred Seducer Had His Way With Her. Now It Appears The Mare Has Conceived, And A Feud Is Raging Between Caird, Who Demands Financial Compensation, And Mawdsley, Who Insists That Had The Pasture Fencing Been In Better Repair, The Clandestine Meeting Would Never Have Occurred. Worse Still, It Has Been Suggested That The Mare Is A Shameless Lightskirt And Did Not Try Nearly Hard Enough To Preserve Her Virtue.

... No Matter Where You Go Or What You Do, I'll Love Every Day For The Rest Of My Life.

This Is How We Court Girls In America. We Grab Them And Kiss Them. And If They Don't Like It, We Do It Again, Harder And Longer, Until They Surrender. It Saves Us Hours Of Witty Repartee.