You're Supposed To Have Friends You Can

Someone On Twitter Sent Me A Page From A Textbook. It Had A Picture Of A Football Player Next To A Picture Of Me. The Juxtaposition Was Meant To Illustrate Two Meanings Of "offensive." Seriously. It Broke My Heart. It's That Accepted What I Do Is Offensive?

I Can't Wait Till Sunday, I'm Gonna See My Favorite Niece And My Other Niece.

I Commend You On All You've Done For Peta, Wrestling The One-eyed Trouser Snake With Your Bare Hands, Gently Cuddling It In Your Arms, And Nurturing It Back To Health.

Don’t Forget, God Can See You Masturbating. But Don’t Stop. He’s Almost There.

If I Have Kids, I'll Adopt.