You're Supposed To Have Friends You Can

When You're A Comic, It's Like Being Born Gay. It's What You Want To Do Every Night When Your Other Friends Are Out At Night Going To Parties.

Comics Who Grew Up Surviving Their Childhood By Being Able To Be The First One To Make The Joke About Their Weight Or Their Hairy Arms - Like Me - Whatever They're Insecure About, Whatever They're Apologizing For, That Becomes Their Strength.

Mommy Is One Of The Chosen People … And Daddy Believes That Jesus Is Magic!

I Was Raped By A Doctor. Which Is, You Know, So Bittersweet For A Jewish Girl.

If My Catholic Boyfriend And I Ever Have A Kid, We'll Just Be Honest With It. We'll Say That Mommy Is One Of God's Chosen People, And Daddy Believes That Jesus Is Magic!