You'll Fold Faster Than Superman On Laundry

I Was In The Drug Store The Other Day Trying To Get A Cold Medication...not Easy. There's An Entire Wall Of Products You Need. You Stand There Going,"well, This One Is Quick Acting But This Is Long Lasting...which Is More Important, The Present Or The Future?"

The Hardest Thing In Comedy Is To Have The Biggest Laugh At The End, And It’s The Most Satisfying Thing.

Sometimes I Think More Creativity Is Put Into Muffin Recipes Than Into The Rest Of Society Combined.

See, The Thing Of It Is, There's A Lot Of Ugly People Out There Walking Around But They Don't Know They're Ugly Because Nobody Actually Tells Them.

I Love Advertising Because I Love Lying. I Think Spending Your Life Trying To Dupe Innocent People Out Of Hard-won Earnings To Buy Useless, Low-quality, Misrepresented Items And Services Is An Excellent Use Of Your Energy.