You Want To Be As Smart As

When I Was A Little Kid At Home, I Thought The Whole World Was Jewish. For Years I Thought Roosevelt Was Jewish. I Loved Him. I Thought Of Him As My Father. I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out That People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

Why Should I Waste My Good Time Making A Straight Dramatic Film? The People Who Can't Make You Laugh Can Do That.

I Don't Know What To Say So I'll Just Say What's In My Heart...badoom, Badoom, Badoom.

Oh, I'm Not A True Genius. I'm A Near Genius. I Would Say I'm A Short Genius. I'd Rather Be Tall And Normal Than A Short Genius.

My Job Is To Go Out And Entertain The Most People Possible. The Job Is To Make People Laugh. I Don't Have A Mission. I Don't Have A Torch To Burn.