You Only Think Of The Best Comeback

People Are Being Really Picky About The Upcoming Election. I Read That Americans Do Not Want The Next President To Be A First-term Senator, Be Over 65, Or Have A Former President In The Family. Then The Secret Service Said, 'hey, Whoever Slips Through Slips Through. No Promises.'

The U.s. Government Is Selling $30 Billion Worth Of Fighter Jets To Saudi Arabia. Yeah, It's Part Of A New Initiative Called, 'operation Regret This In Five Years.'

As Gas Prices Continue To Drop, 28 States Are Now Selling Regular Gasoline For Less Than $2 A Gallon. It's Getting Cheaper To Pump Two Gallons Of Gas Outside The Station Than It Is To Pump Two Squirts Of Nacho Cheese Inside.

A Clothing Company Is Making T-shirts Inspired By Bernie Sanders With Messages Like 'feel The Bern.' They Were Gonna Make Them For Lincoln Chafee Too, But No One Wants To Wear A Shirt That Says 'feel The Chafee.'

It Was The 60th Anniversary Of 'face The Nation.' During His Interview, President Obama Said, 'our Country Doesn't Fear The Future. We Grab It.' Nothing Says You Grab The Future Like Going On A 60-year-old Show Hosted By A 77-year-old-man To Speak To A 90-year-old Audience.