You Know What My Theory Is? Accept

My Bubbie Lived To 104, Which Is Probably A Little Too Old To Consider A Ripe Old Age, Because She Had Already Started To Turn. I Still Say She Died Young.

Every Time You Open The Paper Now, There Seems To Be Another Celebrity Getting Arrest For Masturbation. First, It Was Peewee Herman And Then George Michael. If Masturbation's A Crime, I Should Be On Death Row.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

Back When Jerry Seinfeld Was Just Another Comedian Hanging Around The Clubs, I'd Imitate Him To Amuse Myself And The Other Comics. The Club Owners Would Say, 'what Are You Doing That For? Nobody Knows Him.'

My Family Originally Lived In Brooklyn. Our First Apartment Was A Little Place Above My Father And Uncle's Hardware Store In Coney Island. Now, Don't Get The Impression That We Were Surrounded By Merry-go-rounds, Roller Coasters And Ferris Wheels. Nope, This Was A Little Side Street.