You Have Kim Jong Il, And You

Barack Obama's Busy Moving Into The White House. Earlier Today, John Mccain Was Blowing On His Soup.

A Pair Of Ruby Red Slippers Worn By Judy Garland In The Wizard Of Oz Have Been Stolen. The Thief Is Described As Being Armed And Fabulous.

We Inadvertently Bombed The Chinese Embassy. But Clinton Now Is Working Very Hard. He Has Sent A Letter Of Apology To The Chinese. And, He's Also Given Them A Gift Certificate For Future Nuclear Secrets.

We Are Starting To Learn More About Osama Bin Laden. For His Birthday One Year, Somebody Gave Him A $4 Timex. We Know That. He Is Married To The Daughter Of A Guy Named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I Think Her Name Is Tiffany Omar. Insiders Say That The Marriage Is Not Working Out. Apparently They Are Living In Separate Caves.

President Bush Says He Is Looking Forward To The Testimony Of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, He Is Very Excited About Condoleezza Rice's Testimony Before Congress. Well, It Makes Perfect Sense - He Wants To Know What Was Going On, Too.