You Can't All Of A Sudden Go

You Know What It Was Like? It Was Like Thinking I Was Heading To A Surprise Party And Instead It Was A Surprise Pap Smear.

Point? Maybe You Aren't A Carrie Or A Samantha Or A Charlotte Or A Miranda. Maybe You're Just You.

When I Hug Her, I Notice She's Still Wearing Yesterday's False Eyelashes. Mom? You Know Those Come Off With A Little Makeup Remover And A Cotton Pad?" I'm Not Taking Them Off." Why Not?" I Spent $180 On That Makeup Job And I Refuse To Wash My Face Until I Get My Money's Worth.

I’m Busy Sorting Through Our New Collection Of Rhinestone Jewelry. Should Anyone Be In The Market For Sparkly Accessories The Size Of A Hubcap, This Is The Place To Get Them. Earlier Today, A Customer Picked Up One Of The Enormous Chandelier-style Offerings And Asked, 'do Those Be Genuine Rhimestones?' I Couldn’t Even Begin To Explain Everything That Was Wrong With Her Sentence, So I Simply Replied, 'yes. They Do Be Genuine.

In Real Life, I Tend To Yell At People A Lot. Not Because I'm Bossy Or Mean, But Because I'm Frustrated.