You Can't All Of A Sudden Go

I've Determined The Ideal Job For Me Is One Where I Can Write Clever Essays About My Life And My Employer Will Give Me Enough Money Not Only To Live A Comfortable Existence, But Also To Buy Many, Many New Pairs Of Shoes.

I’m Instantly Mortified By My Fat, Uncontrollable Mouth, But That’s When It Occurs To Me That My Humor Is A Self-defense Mechanism. Even Though I May Come Off Like A Stark Raving Asshat, Being Funny Is The Most Important Tool I Have To Stay Sane. The Ability To Say What I Think Is The Key To Allowing Me To Feel In Control.

Some People Are Destined To Be Deep Thinkers. I Am Not One Of Those People.

I Still Believe In The Holy Trinity, Except Now It's Target, Trader Joe's, And Ikea.

I Never Sleep On The Plane. I Have To Be Awake And Using My Mind Power To Keep It In The Air