You Can Be Nasty When You Are

Smoking Is, If Not My Life, Then At Least My Hobby. I Love To Smoke. Smoking Is Fun. Smoking Is Cool. Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. It Makes Growing Up Genuinely Worthwhile. I Am Quite Well Aware Of The Hazards Of Smoking. Smoking Is Not A Healthful Pastime, It Is True. Smoking Is Indeed No Bracing Dip In The Ocean, No Strenuous Series Of Calisthenics, No Two Laps Around The Reservoir. On The Other Hand, Smoking Has To Its Advantage The Fact That Is A Quiet Pursuit. Smoking Is, In Effect A Dignified Sport.

My Other Hobby, Because I Just Love Any Job With A Gavel, Is Auctioneer. And I So Often Have Presided Over Charity Auctions In New York That Many Years Ago Sotheby's Sent Me My Own Gavel. Now, The Sotheby's Gavel Is Infinitely More Elegant--it Came In A Little Velvet Bag, With "sotheby's" Inscribed In Gold. It Hangs In My Library. I Feel That Everyone Has Occasion To Use A Gavel At Various Times Everyday, They Just Don't Think Of It.

I Never Took Hallucinogenic Drugs Because I Never Wanted My Consciousness Expanded One Unnecessary Iota.

Local Television Shows Do Not, In General, Supply Make-up Artists. The Exception To This Is Los Angeles, An Unusually Generous City In This Regard, Since They Also Provide This Service For Radio Appearances.

There Were A Zillion Bad Jobs. That Doesn't Exist Any More. I Mean, I Could Wake Up One Afternoon With Zero Money And Know That By The End Of The Day, I Would Have Money.