You Are What You Do. It's About

On The Show, I Do A Very Serious Thing. And A Lot Of People Have A Hard Time Reconciling That With What I'm Going To Do After The Show. They Can't Get It Into Their Heads: "how Can He Be Talking To Madeleine Albright One Minute And Then Somebody Half His Age...." They're Just Jealous. But I Never Made Any Bones About It. I Am A Player. Always Have Been.

You Want To Spend Your Millions On A Worthless Cause? Try Donating It To The Democrats.

I Was Just At The Newly Opened Creationist Museum In Kentucky.... And They Have This Exhibit Of A Giant Dinosaur...with A Saddle On Its Back. Because The World Is Only 5000 Years Old, So Man And The Dinosaurs Had To Coexist, And, Of Course, We Rode Them. A Theory I Thought Laughable At The Age Of Eight When I Saw It On The Flintstones!

But Isn't There Something Wrong When I'm The Only Guy In The Country That Got Fired For 9/11?

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.