Y'know, You Can't Please All The People

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

If You Are Flammable And Have Legs, You Are Not Blocking A Fire Exit.

I Know People Who Believe In Ghosts But Don’t Believe In Themselves. It’s Kind Of Sad. Okay You Don’t Think You’ll Ever Make It As A Musician, But Last Night You Saw A Translucent Caveman.

I Saw A Commercial For An Above-ground Pool, It Was 30 Seconds Long. Because That's The Maximum Amount Of Time You Can Picture Yourself Having Fun In An Above-ground Pool. If It Was 31 Seconds, The Actor Would Say "the Water Is Only Up To Here? What Do I Do Now? Throw The Ball Back To Jimmy? Or Put Some Goggles On And Look At His Feet?"

I Got A King-sized Bed. I Don't Know Any Kings, But If One Came Over, I Guess He'd Be Comfortable.