Without Comedy As A Defense Mechanism I

I Have Such Poor Vision I Can Date Anybody.

My First Appearance As A Guest On The Tonight Show Was In '81.

I Remember Learning To Drive On My Dad's Lap. Did You Guys Ever Do That? He'd Work The Brakes. I'd Work The Wheel. Then I Went To Take The Driver's Test And Sat On The Examiner's Lap. I Failed The Exam. But He Still Writes To Me. That's The Really Nice Part.

I Sold My House This Week. I Got A Pretty Good Price For It, But It Made My Landlord Mad As Hell

I Don''t Like This Reality Television, I Have To Be Honest;i Think Real People Should Not Be On Television; It''s For Special People Like Us, People Who Have Trained And Studied To Appear To Be Real