Wise Is What You Want To Be.

A Two-year-old Is Kind Of Like Having A Blender, But You Don't Have A Top For It.

Why Is It Illegal To Park In A Handicapped Parking Space But Okay To Go The Bathroom In A Handicapped Stall?

I Know I'm Not Going To Understand Women. I'll Never Understand How You Can Take Boiling Hot Wax, Pour It Onto Your Upper Thigh, Rip The Hair Out By The Root, And Still Be Afraid Of A Spider.

A Chef Who Doesn't Wash His Hands Is Like A Cop Who Steals. It's A Cry For Help.

I Wish I Was A Phone Machine. I Wish If I Saw Somebody On The Street I Didn't Want To Talk To I Could Just Go, "excuse Me, I'm Not Here Right Now, If You Just Leave A Message, I Can Walk Away."