Why Should I Be Feeling Tension? It's

I've Been An Apple Guy Since The Mid 80's And That's When I Was Like, "boy, You Guys Really Got Me Here. I Know Exactly What You're Doing, Right Down To Your Price Points."

I Always Fancied Myself More Of An Actor Than A Comedian Before I Realized That Only Assholes Make That Kind Of Distinction.

I Remember Interviewing Someone I Actually Felt Bad For, And Therefore Didn't Want To Take An Ironic Stance Against Him. It Actually Turned Out To Be A Really Funny Piece.

I Just Want To Do Cool Stuff.

Anything That You Can Do A Tiny Bit Of Research About, I'll Turn It Into An Obsession.