... Why I Like Timetables, Because They

People Say That You Always Have To Tell The Truth. But They Do Not Mean This Because You Are Not Allowed To Tell Old People That They Are Old And You Are Not Allowed To Tell People If They Smell Funny Or If A Grown-up Has Made A Fart. And You Are Not Allowed To Say, 'i Don't Like You,' Unless That Person Has Been Horrible To You.

I Was Born Too Late For Steam Trains And A Lazy Eye Meant I'd Never Be An Astronaut.

...and I Went Into The Garden And Lay Down And Looked At The Stars In The Sky And Made Myself Negligible.

I Don't Mean That Literary Fiction Is Better Than Genre Fiction, On The Contrary; Novels Can Perform Two Functions And Most Perform Only One.

...and I Wrote A Book And That Means I Can Do Anything