Why Can't I Say Anything Normal?

Where Are The Robert Redfords And Paul Newmans Of My Age Group? I Love James Franco, But Where's The Next James Franco? Where Are The Hunks Who Can Act?

In Real Life, Bad Things Happen And They're Not Funny, And Then Bad Things Happen And They Can Be Funny. When You're Unhappy You Don't Go An Entire Time Without Laughing. You Don't Go Your Whole Life Without Laughing. It's Just Life.

It's Something I Always Tell Myself: 'you Need To Calm The F--k Down. You Don't Want To Constantly Be A Gif.

My Run Is So Weird. That's What I'm Most Nervous About In This Whole Ordeal. I'm Most Nervous About Everybody Making Fun Of The Way I Run. I Do, Like, Karate Hands. Instead Of Running With My Hands Closed Together Like A Normal Person. It's Like I'm Trying To Be Aerodynamic Or Something, So My Hands Are Straight Like Razors. Karate Hands.

I Was A Harry Potter Nerd. Pencils Were Wands. I Was Going To Hogwarts. The Whole Thing. You Don't Understand What A Nerd I Am. I Mean, If They Remade Them, I'd Still Go. Like, I've Seen All Of [the Originals], And That's Always Going To Be Harry. That's Always Going To Be Ron And Hermione. But If They Did It Again, I Absolutely Would Go, Because I Want To See It All Again.