Who Needs Drugs When You Have Takeshi's

My Life Has Been, I Suppose, The Most Incredible Series Of Highs And Lows.

For Me, Everything Has Always Been An Accident.

I've Been Very Lucky, This Is My 30th Year On Tv.

Prison Widens Your Circle Of Friends. In My Stand-up, I Can Now Talk About Things That No One Else Has The Right To Touch.

I Have A Stepladder. It's A Very Nice Stepladder But It's Sad That I Never Knew My Real Ladder.