When You Commit Your Life To Something

I Think That Standup Has Always Been An Acquired Taste And There Was Always Only A Handful Of Performers That Were Really Inspired.

A Lot Of People Think That Jesus Is Coming Back. That's Fine, It's Your Right. But You Know, I Live In New York, And I Think He's Running A Little Late. I'm Asking Myself, 'alright, What Happens If Jesus Comes Back Tomorrow? What - Does He Make Rounds To Churches?' 'ok, Everyone Who's Been Good, Buses Leave In 10 Minutes. I'll Meet You In Front Of The Post Office. I Gotta Go. Oh, Don't Tell The Jews I'm Back.'

I Found A Great Deal Of Relief And Excitement Watching Comics When I Was Very Young. My Grandmother Was Very Into Them And So Was My Grandfather. They Had A Profound Effect On Me, So I Just Found Myself Watching Comedians On The After-school Shows: Merv Griffin And That Kind Of Stuff.

Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments When You Look Up And Realize That You're One Of Those People You See On The Train Talking To Themselves?

You Get All Excited To Give Her The Ring, And It's Real Emotional, And You Give It To Her, And She Cries. And A Second Later, You're Like, 'damn, I Could Have Had A Car.'