When Those Waiters Ask Me If I

The Only Thing That Really Bugs Me About Television's Coverage Is Those Damn Women They Have Down On The Sidelines Who Don't Know What The Hell They're Talking About. I Mean, I'm Not A Sexist Person, But A Woman Has No Business Being Down There Trying To Make Some Comment About A Football Game.

My Own Time Is Passing Fast Enough Without Some National Game To Help It Along.

My Mother Always Called Me 'sturdy' And Said I Have Big Bones. A Little Fat Is What I Am.

I Never Get Over Feeling Bad About Tearing Open A Beautifully Wrapped Present. It Takes Ten Seconds To Destroy A Work Of Art That Took Someone Ten Minutes To Accomplish.

The Federal Government Has Sponsored Research That Has Produced A Tomato That Is Perfect In Every Respect, Except That You Can't Eat It. We Should Make Every Effort To Make Sure This Disease, Often Referred To As 'progress', Doesn't Spread.