When People Try To Take [smoking] Away

To Be A Comedian, You Have To Have Some Darkness Behind It. I Certainly Draw On My Past, And It Helps.

Nine Times Out Of 10, Women Don't Want To Fix A Problem, They Just Want To Be Understood. I'll Never Get That.

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.

I Have Insanely Dorky Taste. Basically, If You're A Woman, And You're Under Any Kind Of Emotional Duress, And You Sing A Song, I Will Listen To It Forever. It's Odd Being A 37-year-old Heterosexual Male Who Owns Nothing But Sarah Mclachlan And Tori Amos. But I'll Go Against That At First And Play Something Boring Like James Taylor.

I Need A Woman To Have A Quirky Sense Of Humor. There's A Bunch Of Jokes I Use, And If She Doesn't Get Them, She's Probably Not For Me.