When People Told The Audience That [sam

I Hate Fame. I Hate Being Recognized, Because I Don't Know How To Talk To People.

Compared To Politics, I Think Sports Is Funnier, Because It's Inconsequential. And Politics Can Be Real Important And All That. The More Pointless Something Is, The Funnier It Is, You Know? And The More Grave Or Important Things Are... You Know, Some Comedians Can Get This Disease Where They Get Serious All The Time.

Were There No Fools, There Would Be No Flatterers.

When I Was A Kid, Everybody That Played Golf Was An Old Man. Until Tiger Showed Up, They Weren't In Very Good Shape.

You Ever See 'the Dating Game'? That's A Weird Game Show. The Prize On That Show: Another Contestant. Talk About Cheap.