When I Was On Acid, I Would

There's A Guy In The Audience With A Distinctive Laugh. I Hope That Guy Is Miked. The Only Problem With Having A Distinctive Laugh Is I Know Exactly When That Guy Isn't Laughing. "oh, Distinctive Laugh Doesn't Think That Joke Was Funny!"

Foosball Screwed Up My Perception Of Soccer. I Though You Had To Kick The Ball And Then Spin Around And Around. I Can't Do A Back Flip, Much Less Several Simultaneously With Two Other Guys.

The Kit Kat Candy Bar Has The Name Kit Kat Imprinted Into The Chocolate. That Robs You Of Chocolate! That's A Clever Chocolate-saving Technique.

I Have A "do Not Disturb" Sign On My Hotel Door. It's Time To Go To "don't Disturb". It's Been "do Not" For Too Long. We Should Embrace The Contraction.

People Think I'm Into Sports Because I'm A Man. But I'm Not Into Sports. I Like Gatorade, But That's About As Far As It Goes. By The Way, You Don't Have To Be Sweaty And Play Basketball To Enjoy Gatorade. You Can Just Be A Thirsty Dude. Gatorade Forgets About This Demographic!