When I Take My Kids Out For

When You're A Father In A Marriage, You Sort Of Become The Mother's Assistant, And You Sort Of Get A List From Her Every Day, And You Do, You Know, You Run Down The List, And It Feels Very Much Like A Chore.

If You're Older, You're Smarter. I Just Believe That. If You're In An Argument With Someone Older Than You, You Should Listen To 'em ... Even If They're Wrong, Their Wrongness Is Rooted In More Information Than You Have.

I'd Like To Name My Kid A Whole Phrase. You Know, Something Like Ladies And Gentlemen. That'll Be A Cool Name For A Kid. This Is My Son, Ladies And Gentlemen! Then, When He Gets Out Of Hand, I Get To Go, Ladies And Gentlemen, Please!

When My Kids Were Younger, I Used To Avoid Them. I Used To Sit On The Toilet 'til My Legs Fell Asleep. You Want To Know Why Your Father Spends So Long In The Toilet? Because He's Not Sure He Wants To Be A Father.

I Don't Think It Makes Any Sense To Try To Get Anyone To Not Talk.