Everything Is Amazing And Nobody Is Happy

Friends Should Always Tell You The Truth. But Please Don’t.

When I Am In A Hotel, And I Turn Off The Lights And The Tv, I Just Freak Out. I Turn The Tv Back On And Don't Get Any Sleep.

My Kids Are Really Easy. I Often Worry That They're Too Easy To Deal With. They're Really Nice People.

You Know What Our Number One Threat Is? Heart Disease.

People Say, 'my Phone Sucks.' No, It Doesn’t! The Shittiest Cellphone In The World Is A Miracle. Your Life Sucks. Around The Phone.