When I See Two Guys Kissing, I'm

Here's How My Brain Works: It's Stupidity, Followed By Self-hatred, And Then Further Analysis.

To Me, Comedies Are Usually The Least Funny Movies. Movies That Are Actually A Comedy Are Usually Not All That Funny. To Me Goodfellas And Raging Bull Are Two Of The Funniest Movies I Ever Saw.

Dating Is Horrible, It's Awful. I Don't Get It. It's Like You're Standing There: 'hi. Do You Want To Have Sex And Later Wish You Hadn't?' It's Horrible. And It's Awkward At 42 Because I Don't Have The Body Or The Drive. I Just Sit In The Car And Hope Somebody Gets In.

Stand-up Is Probably The Most Solo Performance In Art.

If I Do Something For My Kids, I Get A Medal, Because Most Fathers Don't.