When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or

Sandler's Always Good. Tom Hanks Gave Me Some Good Advice.

A Peacock Escaped From The Central Park Zoo And Wandered Around The City. Either That Or I Just Saw A Pigeon On His Way To A Gay Pride Parade.

Ben Carson Actually Lost A Tooth. Which Explains Why He Said That Under His Leadership, Americans Would Be Entitled To 'life, Liberty, And The Purthuit Of Happineth.'

Arizona Senator John Mccain Announced That He Plans On Running For A Sixth Term Because He Is Concerned About The Nation's Security. He Plans To Help Just Like Any Other 80-year-old: By Sitting On His Porch With A Police Scanner.

Got Bin Laden And Interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win For Obama All Around.