When I Got To Los Angeles, I

I'm Enjoying The Opportunity That Parks And Recreation Affords Me To Exploit My Own Soapbox Agenda, Which Is To Try To Encourage People To Make Things With Their Hands.

Give A Man A Fish And You Feed Him For A Day. Don't Teach A Man To Fish And You Feed Yourself. He's A Grown Man, Fishing's Not That Hard.

Men And Women Alike, If You Think That Altering The Tip Of Your Nose With Surgery Will Make You Happier, I Would Suggest You Alter Something Much More Malleable Than Your Flesh, Like Your Priorities, Or Your Friends.

Whenever I Have A Stubborn Position On Something, I Take A Deep Breath And Swallow Myself.

People Keep Referring To Me As A Standup, And That Just Doesn't Sit Well With Me Because A Lot Of My Friends Are Standups And They're Brilliant At Writing Jokes, And I'm Not.