What's This About Rice Milk? I Didn't

A Straw Enables You To Drink Without Using Your Wrist. A Straw Is Your Friend - Until You Lose Eye Contact With The Straw. Then It Will Betray You And Make You Look Like An Idiot.

I Like When People Wear A Wwjd Bracelet, Because It's Like An Example Of The First Thing Jesus Wouldn't Do, Probably.

Wind Chimes Are Also Earthquake Chimes.

Drunken Behavior Will Not Be Tolerated, Except By Those Who Are Being Hilarious.

I Think There Are So Many Little Hurdles And Impediments With Stand-up That You'd Need To Have This Insane Desire To Do It If You Didn't Have Something That Clicked Right Away.