What Was The Best Thing Before Sliced

Most Of The Note-taking Happens While I'm Watching Television. It's A Broad Window On The World, And A Lot Of Things Are Already Established In My Mind As Things I Say, Things That I'm Interested In, Things That Are Fodder For My [stand-up] Machine. And When I See Something That Relates To One Of Them, I Know It Instantly And If It's A Further Exaggeration And A Further Addition, Or An Exception - If It Plays Into Furthering My Purpose, I Jot It Down.

Honesty May Be The Best Policy, But It's Important To Remember That Apparently, By Elimination, Dishonesty Is The Second-best Policy.

If You Have Selfish, Ignorant Citizens, You're Gonna Get Selfish, Ignorant Leaders.

I Think Tv Remotes Should Have A Button That Allows You To Kill The Person On The Screen.

Golf Is An Arrogant, Elitist Game That Takes Up Entirely Too Much Space In This Country.