What Happened Was, I Always Wanted To

Me And Conan O'brien And Robert Smigel And Dana Carvey Wrote A Script Called 'hans And Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma,' And It Was Going To Be Co-produced With Arnold Schwarzenegger, And He Was Going To Co-star In It. We Had A Deal With Sony, We Got Paid To Write It, And It Was A Musical, But It Never Got Made Because...i Think Arnold Kind Of Backed Out At The Last Minute Because He Was Getting Cold Feet Because ;the Last Action Hero' Had Come Out, Where He Was Parodying Himself. But It Was A Really Funny Script, And I Wish It Could've Seen The Light, Because I Think It Would've Done Really Well.

What Happened Was, I Always Wanted To Be A Singer/songwriter Kind Of Guy Like A James Taylor Or Crosby, Stills And Nash Type Of Thing; I Went To A Lot Of Coffee Houses And Used To Watch All Those Guys, But I Never Had The Nerve To Get Up And Do It Because Singing Seems So Personal And Intimate To Me. It Was Too Revealing.

Roxanne Came Along In '86, When I Was Doing A Lot Of Stand-up. I Auditioned For The Movie, And Of Course I Was A Huge Steve Martin Fan, So I Really Hoped I Would Get This Part. I Don't Think There Was Any Part In Particular That I Auditioned For. I Just Went In And Talked With Them. There Were So Many Parts In There, And So Many Comedians Ended Up Getting In That Movie, Playing Different Firemen And Townspeople.

Basically, I'm A People Pleaser Who Has A Knack For Disappointing.

When I Began Doing Stand-up, It Took Me A Long Time To Get An Hour's Worth Of Material Together.