What A Dog I Got, He Found

Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My Old Man Took Me To The Zoo. They Thanked Him For Returning Me.

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

I Can't Figure Women Out. They Put On Makeup For Three Hours. They Wear Things That Make Them Smaller. Things That Make Them Bigger. Then They Meet A Man And They Want Truth.