We've Come To Expect So Little From

In New York, If You Weigh Under 200 Pounds And Decline So Much As A Cookie At A Co-worker's Party, Women Will Flock To Your Side, Assuring You Of Your Appealing Physique. This Is How Skittish We Are About The Dangers Of Anorexia And The Pressures Of Body Image.

At The End Of Each Year, I Sit On The Floor And Go Page By Page Through The Old Calendar, Inking Annual Events Into The New One, All The While Watching My Year In 'dinner Withs' Skate By. When I'm Done, I Save The Old Calendar In The Box Of The New One And Put It With The Others On A Shelf.

I Thought I'd Had Another Few Decades Before My Noise Complaint Years.

Alaska Is What Happens When Willy Wonka And The Witch From Hansel And Gretel Elope, Buy A Place Together Upstate, Renounce Their Sweet Teeth, And Turn Into Health Fanatics.

I Don't Do Emoticons Unless I'm Making A Big Deal Out Of Them. I'll Type Out, 'this Is So Amusing It Makes Me Want To Grin In Pixels.' And Then Do It.