Sometimes My Dad Even Gets On This

Watching Television Is Like Taking Black Spray Paint To Your Third Eye.

People In The United Kingdom And Outside The United States Share My Bemusement With The United States That America Doesn't Share With Itself.

Would You Let The Aliens Land, Please? They Might Be Here To Pick Me Up.

If You're So Pro-life, Do Me A Favour: Don't Lock Arms And Block Medical Clinics. If You're So Pro-life, Lock Arms And Block Cemeteries.

I Got This Big Fear Of Doing Smoking Jokes In My Act And Showing Up Five Years From Now Goin' [puts Mic To His Neck And Speaks As If He Had A Mechanical Larynx] 'good Evening Everybody, Remember Me, Smoking's Bad. [puts Cigarette To Neck And Mimics Smoking It] Eeww. You Ever Seen Somebody Do That? I've Seen Someone Do That. Let Me Tell You Something — If You're Smoking Out Of A Hole In Your Neck [mimics It Again] I'd Think About Quitting. And That's Just Me, Ya Know.