We Usually Have Margaritas On Thursdays But

Seeing Your Mother Naked Is Not Something You Easily Recover From. Seeing Your Mother Naked And Jumping From One Side Of A King-sized Bed To The Other With A Nurse's Hat On While Your Father, Who Is Also Naked, Is Chasing Her With A Bandanna Around His Neck, Is Reason To Put Yourself Up For Adoption.

Don't Choose The Better Guy, Choose The Guy That's Gonna Make You The Better Girl

Shamu And I Have Arrived Safely In Costa Rica. He Was Stopped By Airport Security Because He Carries Enough Artillery In His Pants Pockets To Construct A Sawed-off Shotgun. Evidently, He Though We Were Headed To Iraq.

Next To Fat Babies, Midgets Are My Favorite Things To Hold. I Love Them So Much, And I Want To Help Them To Do Adult Things Like Drive Cars, Jet-ski, And Lip-synch. I’m In Awe Of Their Little Limbs, Their Large Craniums, And Their Medicine-ball Asses. I Love The Little Baby Steps They Take While Shifting Their Weight From Side To Side, And The Fact That When You Knock One Over Accidentally, He Flails Like A Turtle On Its Back That Can’t Get Up Right Away.

A Federal Grand Jury Is Investigating Allegations That David Copperfield Raped, Assaulted And Threatened A Woman He Took To His Private Island In The Bahamas In July. What Happened To The Good Old Days When A Guy Would Just Saw You In Half?