We May Not Be The Creme De

Writing About The Indignities Of Old Age: The Daunting Stairway To The Restaurant Restroom, The Benefits Of A Wheelchair In Airports And Its Disadvantages At Cocktail Parties, Giving The User What He Described As A Child's-eye View Of The Party And A Crotch-level View Of The Guests. Dying Is A Matter Of Slapstick And Pratfalls. The Aging Process Is Not Gradual Or Gentle. It Rushes Up, Pushes You Over And Runs Off Laughing. No One Should Grow Old Who Isn't Ready To Appear Ridiculous.

My Father, To Whom I Owe So Much, Never Told Me The Difference Between Right And Wrong; Now I Think That's Why I Remain So Greatly In His Debt.

When... I Told My Father I Wanted To Be A Writer, He Had Asked Me To Consider My Unfortunate Wife, Who Would Have Me About The House All Day 'wearing A Dressing Gown, Brewing Tea And Stumped For Words'.

On The Three Pigs He And His Wife Own: "we Acquired The Pigs Last Year. My Wife Was Born On A Pig Farm And Has Always Been Very Fond Of Pigs. Of Course, They Are For Eating, Which Is Why They Are Named Breakfast, Lunch And Dinner. You Wouldn’t Want To Eat Rufus, Marcus And Esmeralda.

Dying Is A Matter Of Slapstick And Pratfalls. The Ageing Process Is Not Gradual Or Gentle. It Rushes Up, Pushes You Over And Runs Off Laughing. No One Should Grow Old Who Isn't Ready To Appear Ridiculous.