Warning, I May Contain More Than A

Forgot To Live-tweet The Election Last Night, So I'm Post-tweeting Today. I'll Start As Soon As My Fingers Unclench From Their Rage Fists.

You Can Make An Omelette Without Breaking Eggs. It's Just A Really Bad Omelette.

All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, Kids. It's Only The Dogs Who've Accepted Christ.

If Our Founding Fathers Wanted Us To Care About The Rest Of The World, They Wouldn't Have Declared Their Independence From It.

If I Had One Wish, It Would Be For Self-drying Pants. Wait -- No! Unlimited Wishes! How Do I Return These Stupid Pants?!