I Teach Sunday School, Motherf*****.

I Know There Are Some Polls Out There Saying This Man Has A 32% Approval Rating. But Guys Like Us, We Don't Pay Attention To The Polls. We Know That Polls Are Just A Collection Of Statistics That Reflect What People Are Thinking In Reality. And Reality Has A Well-known Liberal Bias.

Republicans And Nerds Have So Much In Common -- They Both Live In Fantasy Worlds And Have No Idea How To Relate To Women.

If You Are A Hermaphrodite, It Is Physically Impossible To Be Gay.

I Am No Fan Of Books. And Chances Are, If You're Reading This, You And I Share A Healthy Skepticism About The Printed Word. Well, I Want You To Know That This Is The First Book I've Ever Written, And I Hope It's The First Book You've Ever Read. Don't Make A Habit Of It.

In God's Eyes All Children Are Beautiful But Here On Earth We Have Higher Standards.