Twitter! Never Have Lives Been Less Lived

I Still Feel Pangs Of Remorse Over An Insidious Habit I've Had Since I Was A Teenager. About Three Times A Week, I Attend Estate Auctions And Make Insulting, Low-ball Bids For Prized Heirlooms Until I'm Asked To Leave.

Police In Washington D.c. Are Now Using Cameras To Catch Drivers Who Go Through Red Lights. Many Congressmen This Week Opposed The Use Of The Red Light Cameras Incorrectly Assuming They Were Being Used For Surveillance At Local Brothels.

Jack Kerouac Was Cool Because He Had No Idea He Was.

Michael Moore Simultaneously Represents Everything I Detest In A Human Being And Everything I Feel Obligated To Defend In An American. Quite Simply, It Is That Stupid Moron's Right To Be That Utterly, Completely Wrong.

Just Put Down 9/11... I Think, On Most Things I'm Liberal, Except On Defending Ourselves And Keeping Half The Money. Those Things I'm Kind Of Conservative On.