Tread Gently On Anyone Who Looks At

Marriage Is A Wonderful Invention: Then Again, So Is A Bicycle Repair Kit.

I Think Comedy Is Difficult, And I'm Amazed So Many People Want To Do It. I'll Be Buying Jeans And Somebody Will Say, "i'm A Comedian" - The Guy Selling You The Jeans. The Desire To Be A Comedian Is Weird. I Found It Weird Myself To Want To Be One; I Was A Schoolboy When I Wanted To Be One But I Didn't Know How To Do It. That Was 50 Years Ago, So Times Have Changed Greatly. There Seems To Be A Long Line Of People Desperate To Do It And Most Of Them Are Quite Good.

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

The Great Thing About Glasgow Is That If There's A Nuclear Attack It'll Look Exactly The Same Afterwards.

I Love Los Angeles. It Reinvents Itself Every Two Days.