To Heal Divisions, To Relieve The Oppress'd,

But Curb Thou The High Spirit In Thy Breast, For Gentle Ways Are Best, And Keep Aloof From Sharp Contentions.

Just Once I'd Like Someone To Call Me 'sir' Without Adding 'you're Making A Scene.'

Rock Stars, Is There Anything They Don't Know?

A Guest Never Forgets The Host Who Has Treated Him Kindly.

The Other Day, I Was So Desperate For A Beer, I Snuck Into The Football Stadium And Ate The Dirt Under The Bleachers.