To Give You An Idea How Slowly

Remember, Guns Don't Kill People - Unless You Practice Real Hard.

New Rule: President Bush Must Stop Acting Like We're The Idiots. He Gives Speech After Speech, And The Theme Is Always The Same; 'what Part Of Freedom Don't You Get, You Morons?'. I'll Answer That For You Mr. President. The Part Where You Give It To People By Blowing Them Up.

We Learned This Week That Mitt Romney Is Building A Car Elevator In His House. An Elevator For Your Cars. I Get The Feeling This Guy Wants To Be President So He Has A Place To Live While He's Remodeling His Beach House. ... I'm Not Worried That This Guy Is Out Of Touch. I'm Worried He's Batman. I Could See Mitt As Batman. He Hears About A Robbery, He Changes Into The Magic Underwear, He Rushes To The Crime Scene, And He Helps The Crooks Manage Their New Money.

What Is "martinizing" And Why Does It Only Take One Hour?

Mitt Romney, Who Is On Record Saying That He Would Not Waste Money Going After Bin Laden, And On Record Saying He Would Not Violate Pakistan's Border To Get Bin Laden, This Week Said, 'of Course I Would Have Gotten Bin Laden.' Even His Etch-a-sketch Went, Seriously?