To A Southerner It Is Faux Pas,

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home.

Time Has Lost All Meaning In That Nightmare Alley Of The Western World Known As The American Mind. We Wallow In Nostalgia But Manage To Get It All Wrong. True Nostalgia Is An Ephemeral Composition Of Disjointed Memories... But American-style Nostalgia Is About As Ephemeral As Copyrighted D?j? Vu.

As The Only Class Distinction Available In A Democracy, The College Degree Has Created A Caste Society As Rigid As Ancient India's. Condemning Elitism And Simultaneously Quaking In Fear That Our Children Won't Become Members Of The Elite, We Send Them To College, Not To Learn, But To "be" College Graduates, Rationalizing Our Snobbery With The Cliché That High Technology Has Eliminated The Need For The Manual Labor That We Secretly Hold In Contempt.

I Simply Like Guns Because You Can't Shoot People Without Them.

My Object Is To Live In A Place That Does Not Call Itself 'the Community With A Heart.' I Want One Of Those Godforsaken Towns Where All The Young People Leave And The Rest Sit On The Porch With A Rifle Across Their Knees.