This Is So Weird. I Saw The

Today, John Kerry Announced A Fool-proof Plan To Wipe Out The $500b Deficit. John Kerry Has A Plan, He's Going To Put It On His Wife's Gold Card.

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.

I Have A Wonderful Respect For Old People.

Here In California, One Candidate For Governor Is A 100-year-old Woman. She's Going Door-to-door And Asking One Simple Question - 'do I Live Here?'

A Study Shows Breast Implants Can Cause Nausea And Dizziness... From All The Free Drinks.